Do you feel like everybody is just walking all over you? Is it hard for you to say NO? Do you feel like your voice is just not being heard? Do people just kinda expect you to do what they want, and not really even ask you if you want to do it or not? If you said Yes to any of these questions, this post is for you.
It's time to stand up for yourself, beautiful, and stop allowing the behavior that doesn't align with what you truly are - an amazing woman, worthy of respect, love, and success.
Let's start with the simple truth of why all this is happening to you. It's because you don't respect and honor yourself enough. This may be harsh to hear but I don't want to sugar coat it. Everything starts with You and the kind of energy you're emanating. Nobody will show you respect if you don't show it to yourself first.
To get respected, you have to embody your worth and set standards for yourself first.
Can you imagine somebody coming up to Angelina Jolie and trying to belittle her? Of course not. And, it's not because of her great looks or the fact she's a movie star - it's because she wears her confidence and sense of self-worth like a cape around her. It's almost palpable.
You might be thinking "Well, I would be confident like that if I was so beautiful, rich and famous." That has nothing to do with it.
The energy of uttermost confidence comes from undeniably knowing and owning our worth.
Here are 5 ways how to finally claim the incredible, strong and feminine sense of self-worth you deserve:
1. Stop Criticizing Yourself
If you are like most of the modern women you spend a LOT of times criticizing yourself. You might not even be aware of it a lot of times, it's just so "natural" to you. Like, every time you pass near the mirror and you get that uncomfortable feeling of not liking what you see. Or, when you read magazines and see all those beautiful and accomplished women and, with a little bit of jealousy, think Wish I could have/do that. Or, when you see a mom whose kids are behaving nicely and you look at your hyperactive offsprings jumping all around and start feeling like a less worthy mom and woman.
All those negative thoughts are a form of critique of yourself, your abilities and the way you live your life. You can't start boosting your own self-worth if you first don't give yourself some compassion and self-love.
Understand that nobody is perfect. NOBODY. Perfection is an illusion. We are all red and raw under the skin and have our own weaknesses. The only difference between you and women who emanate confidence is that they are also owning their imperfections and failures. They know those are like spice to life, and give their character flavor.
Louise L. Hay says;
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
2. Stop thinking that putting yourself first is selfish
Oh, how we are all guilty of that! Especially if you're a mom.
Women have been put in a subservient position for thousands of years now. Throughout history, women's only real purpose was to get married, give birth to children and take care of the family. In most religious books you will find teachings about how a man is a woman's master and her duty is to serve him.
Even though today we live (at least most of us) in a more liberal culture, there is still that GUILT we feel when we try to put ourselves and our dreams first. It was unconsciously (or even deliberately) passed to you by your mom. She learned that from her mom as well.
I ask you now - Do you want to pass that collective guilt to your daughter?
I sure as hell don't. My mom always told me that I'm a bad mother because I was pursuing a career and the lifestyle I enjoyed. Even though I loved her dearly, that didn't stop me. Sure, there were times when she got to me and I started doubting myself, but the next day I reminded myself who I was again. I am doing what I'm doing BECAUSE I want to be a good mom, a great example to my daughter. Any kind of guilt and shaming in my family will end with me.
What will end with you?
3. Understand that Confidence and Arrogance are two different beasts
Confident people know and own their worth, while arrogant people think they are better than others and are showing that in an obvious manner.
Confidence doesn't come out of attitude or ego, it comes from respect of yourself and respect of others.
Confidence doesn't mean that, just because now you know how unique and special you are, you will shove that in everybody's faces. When you know the truth, that every person on this Earth has something extraordinary about them, you won't have the need to compete with them; to present that your opinion or the way you live your life is better than theirs.
How other people act, think or live should be completely irrelevant to you. Because your life is about YOU and not anybody else.
A confident woman shows up with a special allure around her. Like she knows something you don't. It's in the way she holds her head high. It's in the position of her straight shoulders. It's in the way she looks you directly in the eyes. Her confidence is almost like the special fragrance of perfume she's wearing.
Don't you want to be that woman?
“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.”
– Helen Keller
4. You can be kind and loving and a Bitch at the same time
And, that's perfectly fine.
That would, of course, depend on the situation you find yourself in. You don't want to be a bitch when your child is misbehaving. You'll know when the time is right to bring her out, girlfriend.
If you find yourself in a position when somebody tries to treat you the way you don't deserve you can always communicate in a loving (and sometimes fierce) way that they must be thinking they're dealing with somebody else. That this kind of behavior doesn't fly with you. And, walk away if necessary.
Yes, it's actually that simple.
Like Frank Ocean said;
“Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude. My personality is who I am. My attitude depends on who you are.”
5. Define your Red Velvet Rope Policy
The Red Velvet Rope Policy is a metaphor for allowing only the best and loving people in your life.
If someone has a toxic personality full of gossip, complaints, excuses, and refusals, that person shouldn't get past your red velvet rope. If they do, they should be kindly removed outside of your velvet rope.
This is also a good time to ask yourself - am I the kind of person who only spreads negativity to people around me? Think about who you are and how you are showing up in the world. Becoming mindful of this is a self-responsibility and a necessary step toward getting respected, by ourselves and others.
Who we surround ourselves with directly reflects who we are. If you want to be your absolute best, you should want to surround yourself with only the best.
In the real world, we are often surrounded by people who aren't our cup of tea. This doesn't mean that you have to start ignoring everybody now (yeah, it's hard to run from family obligations where it looks like everybody is just waiting to pick on you). It means that you should define your boundaries and when your aunt asks you for the n-th time why you don't have children yet, that you're getting old, you can just elegantly say that his topic is personal and not for discussion.
You don't HAVE to give anybody any kind of explanation about your life. Your life, your choices. If they don't agree with you, you shouldn't feel hurt or disappointed or annoyed. Just put those people where they ought to be - outside of your velvet rope, and don't think about them and their opinions anymore.